Yesss! My new novel, Point Apocalypse, is finished and will come to Amazon early this coming spring! In the meantime, here's the first chapter - let me know what you think!
cover art by V. Manyukhin |
He enters
a prison world. A place of no return harboring the demise of the world. He
doesn't know who he is. He can't tell friend from foe. He has no idea what
brought him here. He has no time to think. He lives from one objective to the
next. No proper food or drinking water, no modern technologies. Earth's laws
end here. No one to turn to for help. The lives of thousands of people now
depend on him alone.
Part 1
Prison World
Chapter 1. The Portal
Darkness.
Light. Hundreds of bare feet pattering on the tiled floor around me. Pitch dark again. Blinding light - I squeezed
my eyes shut for a moment but kept moving amid the naked figures. Cold water
jets pelted us from the walls; people yelped, someone slipped and fell flat on
the floor.
"No
huddling together! Keep moving!", the invisible loudspeakers barked.
"Form columns! Line up, I said!"
The
controller just had to be new. Trying too hard, the idiot. I'd love to know
who'd authorized his access.
The
stench of bleach hit my nose.
"Move
it!" the voice hollered. "Don't stop, keep walking! Listen and obey
orders!"
They
dimmed the light. Under the ceiling, strings of lamps blurred and blinked. To my right, someone cussed, the one in front
of me jerked back and somebody else pushed him onto me. I fended him off with
my elbow, hitting his shoulder. More swearing drowned out the jets' hissing.
"Everyone
shut up!" the speakers barked. "The culprits will-"
The
speakers crackled and screeched. The lights flickered and went out. The shower
stopped, too. For a few seconds, the crowd continued in the dark, their bare
feet slapping on the tiles.
"Serves
him right, the asshole," said a voice behind me.
I didn't
know whether he meant the controller who'd loudspeakered us around or whoever
had tried to start the fight.
"Hey,
what is it?" a voice said. "I'm afraid of the dark."
"Get
your filthy hands off me!" a response yelled. "And keep'em to
yourself!"
"You
better watch yours!"
"You
what?"
What followed
sounded like a slap in someone's face and a suppressed yell followed by a
commotion. Far behind my back, I heard some English. I raised my fists, pressed
my elbows to my sides and lowered my head. The tribunal had decided to have my
acceleratory implants removed so it was time I learned to make do without them.
As long as they didn't knock me off my feet, I had a fair chance of fighting
them off provided I had enough space.
The crowd
poured towards the walls like overflowing jelly. I kept walking all the while
sensing there was no one left in front of me. The speakers were dead. The
corridor filled with noises and voices.
When was
the controller going to switch to the auxiliary power? There had to be a good
hundred people at the portal. What were they waiting for? If they didn't do it
soon, people could panic causing a stampede. And I couldn't hurry the things up
for fear of triggering it.
I threw
my arm to one side and swiped a face, hissing, "Out of my way!" I was
about to add a kick but reconsidered: I might miss and fall flat onto the
tiles.
The
imprint of lamps snaking down the corridor imprinted on my retinas. I kept
walking, slowly. Now I had no one left at my sides, either - only some wheezing
at a safe distance behind me.
Then the
lights went on. The water jets hit the crowd with a hum and sent people flying
to the center of the corridor. I jumped over a slumped figure and escaped
someone's crooked fingers digging into my shoulder. A burly man with a beard
raised his fist and stepped in my way; I thumped his solar plexus.
The
shower stopped.
"All
freeze!" the speakers howled. "Stay where you are!"
I lowered
my hands and glanced over my shoulder. Behind me, two Asians stopped in their
tracks back-to-back. Could be Chinese, or... you could never tell. They all
looked the same to me. Could be clones for all I knew.
"Form
three ranks," this was a different voice, cold and emotionless.
Apparently, a more experienced officer had replaced the hollering greenhorn.
"In ten seconds I'll turn on the shower. Those failing to comply will be
eliminated. Ten, nine..."
He wasn't
joking. We were at the Fort Commander's complete mercy. They could kill us whenever they pleased,
then dump our bodies from the cliffs into the ocean to save the energy costs on
the return transfer. His threat worked: we were still convicts with fewer
rights than slaves, so people started getting back onto their feet and falling
in. The bearded guy I'd knocked down croaked and tried to prop himself up with
his elbows but failed. He pushed with his forehead against the floor.
"Seven,
six..." the speakers kept on.
I grabbed
the man's elbow and jerked him up.
"Four,
three... Leave the corridor once the disinfection is complete. Wait for orders
to enter the airlock then proceed to the mind check. Start moving from your
right, in single file."
The
bearded man doubled up with his hand pressed to his stomach and teetered. I
squeezed his elbow making sure he didn't collapse under the water jet.
"The
shower's on - now."
I raised
my face to the ceiling and closed my eyes. The cold torrent stank of chemicals
as it lashed against my body.
The first
cleaning cycle was followed by thirty seconds of warm disinfecting foam. They
turned it off and then put the water back on, the pressure slightly less this time.
Having washed off the foam, the drying systems kicked in, turning the air in
the corridor as hot as a sauna. The
sterilization lamps on the ceiling lit up, and I held my breath watching the
red light flicker over the exit.
I ended
up in the right column with only two men in front of me. That was good. I'd be
through with the mind check quick enough.
A siren
wailed announcing the end of the disinfection. The red light over the exit went
out and the main lights came back on. At the end of the corridor, a steel door
whirred as it sunk into the wall exposing the airlock.
The men
stirred, their voices low.
"By
the right, in single file!" the speakers spewed.
A tall
old man happened to be the first by the airlock door. He started for it,
stopped and gave a cautious look over his shoulder.
"By
the right, in single file, towards the door, forward march!" repeated the
voice from the ceiling.
"Get
on with it, granddad," a square man from the second file nudged.
"Don't hold everybody up."
His
bulging back and arm muscles were pockmarked with what looked like bullet
holes, skin tight and wrinkled around them. Only these were no bullet wounds.
They'd removed enhancing implants from his shoulder muscles. The modified man
must have been a heavy laborer - most likely a pit worker at one of the Arctic
mines. The mines and the Army - two places you had no business to be without
muscle enhancers.
"Next,"
the voice echoed down the corridor once the first convict had cleared the
airlock.
The miner
stepped into the opening, swaying. Judging by his lack of coordination, he must
have suffered the removal surgery pretty recently. I could see he hadn't
adjusted to it yet. I knew by myself the first days were the hardest.
"Next."
As I
crossed the airlock, my head span around. My spine and shoulder blades started
prickling in places where I'd once had my combat modules installed. The invisible rays of electromagnetic
detectors searched every inch of my body, then switched off. The prickling ceased.
I walked past the guardhouse to my left behind a one-way mirror and stepped
into a narrow portal facing the door to the mind check room where the miner had
just entered.
"Nex-"
the controller didn't finish the word.
An alarm
wailed. I stepped aside and looked back. The Asian who'd followed me still had
a few more paces to clear the airlock. He ran, then stumbled, dropping to his
knees and grasping at his blackened chest. His mouth opened, his screams
inaudible above the howling of the alarm, fire and blood splattering through a
hole in his chest.
The
controller blocked the camera and turned off the alarm. For a few seconds, I
stood still by the closed door. Then I shook my head and squatted down.
The portal
seemed to be rife with emergency situations. Something was going on. First the
power failure in the disinfection corridor, then they'd replaced the
controller, and now this Asian with his implant...
I tried
to second-guess the actions of the duty shift. Handling this kind of emergency
couldn't take more than a couple of minutes at a top security facility like
this one. They'd now remove the body, make a radio announcement and resume the
scan.
The dead
man had to be Chinese, by the looks of it. They just couldn't help pushing
their luck. Their hardware people were still beyond competition; so apparently,
they had fixed their man with a micro container housing the implant. They must
have delivered it to the carrier after the trial but before his transfer to the
Fort. It looked as if they wanted to try and see if they could get a modified
man through to Pangea.
Again, I
shook my head. Impossible. Once the judgment was made, they removed all neuromodules
and stimulators while still on Earth. After convicts were convoyed to the Kola
Peninsula, they were checked again - and for all I knew, their medical staff
were quite unpurchasable.
I reached
behind my back and scratched a hollow under my shoulder blade where once a
somatic module used to sit. Those thingies could affect the work of the adrenal
glands ejecting hormones like adrenaline. I propped my elbows on my knees, my
hands hanging down, and looked up at the ceiling. Almost immediately, I glimpsed
the black button of a camera between two of the lamps.
It looked
as if the Chinese had had his implant installed right before being shipped
here. But how? This wasn't as easy as inserting a night-vision lens! This was
proper surgery affecting the whole body. All right, imagine they'd done it
somehow, but how on earth had they expected the implanted Asian to pass the
three-level safety system? The Fort was notorious for its multiple checks.
Every room on the base had infrared cameras in it; the airlock was jam-packed
with sensors, plus the ultrasound scanner in the portal. I reached again and
scratched my back. It itched like hell. They must have put the scanner on to
full.
I heard
voices in the mind check block. The door slid sideways into its frame. I stood
up, clasped my hands behind my back and turned to the wall.
"Center,"
a voice said behind my back, "There's a convict in the portal."
"As
if I can't see," the speaker answered overhead. "Put him
through."
"Isn't
it better he cleans up in the airlock first? Saves us the troub-"
"Put
him through," the controller snapped.
I
chuckled. So much for me mopping it up for them.
They
yanked my shoulder to make me face the door.
"Quit
sneering, you piece of-!" the guard snarled pointing his impulse rifle at
my chest.
He was in
full gear. A composite vest hugged his torso above his protection suit, its
square plates concealing his shoulders. Elbow guards and gloves protected his
arms. High carbon fiber boots and a tactical helmet with a mirrored anti-laser
visor completed the look.
"Move
it!"
The
condenser on the end of its barrel swayed pointing at the doorway into the
block breathing with cold. I walked through.
"Attention
all," the controller said. "Clearance emergency situation.
Penetration attempt."
Electric
drives buzzed behind my back. The door closed, clanging its magnetic locks. The
voice in the loudspeakers distanced, barely heard now, and then stopped
altogether.
The mind
check block looked a bit like an upended tumbler with its black matte walls of
unknown mineral. I stepped into the middle and said out loud,
"Mark
Posner. Convicted of the murder of a Federal Security agent. Proven
guilty."
Mind
checks are quick and absolutely painless. You don't feel a thing apart from the
cold coming from the walls: the procedure calls for low temperatures of about
-20F.
I'd done
it a hundred times. In the Army school, then every time I'd moved to a new
station, and the last time, before the Tribunal. In other words, every time the
situation called for a quick identity check. Never had problems. But today...
everything seemed to be going ass about face.
They
didn't let me out. They didn't open the door. What the hell's going on here? An
equipment malfunction? Couldn't be. They'd already restored the power in the
corridor. The airlock detectors had caught the implanted Chinese. The
communications between the guards and the loudspeakers were working. The doors
seemed to be in order. Two of the convicts -the old man and the miner - had
already cleared the mind check.
I
shuffled my feet and huddled wishing to be back with those still in the warm
disinfection corridor. What took the controller so long? Had he found something
fishy with my mind map? But what if-
Then I
realized. I could see the face of the base commander as the controller reported
my identity...
Federal
Security didn't forgive those who murdered their workers. But before, they
hadn't had a chance to get to me: I'd been kept in the Army detention center
and tried by a military tribunal. The Army and FSA come from different planets
as far as their structures and objectives are concerned. And now the Feds had
their chance. The portal base was under their jurisdiction. I wouldn't have
been surprised if the commander had received special instructions regarding my
arrival.
"Repeat
check," resounded overhead. "State your name."
"Mark
Posner."
"Sentence?'"
I
repeated it fast and clear, like a parade report.
Another
pause. The FSA men were overdoing it. Why repeat a scan if you're about to kill
a convict? Why pile up evidence? I wouldn't. The control systems now had two
scan results filed in their computers. Someone would have to delete them now.
My teeth
chattered. My shoulders shuddered with the cold.
"Hello?
Center?" I ventured, knowing that the controller wouldn't break
instructions by speaking to a convict. "Stop fucking around! I'll freeze
to death in here!"
I was
shaking. Clouds of mist poured out of my mouth. The FSA men had to be dragging
it out on purpose. They had to be trying to freeze me to death by lowering the
temperature to -95F, the lowest possible in the block. No messy reports: they'd
write me off as a mind check equipment malfunction. One convict frozen to
death, big deal.
"Hello!"
I exhaled.
My nose
stung, my eyes watered. I couldn't control my shaking any more.
"Hello!"
I stepped forward and raised a fist to slam the door. It slid aside. I tumbled
out, nearly tripping over myself and started doing vigorous squats. The miner
and the tall old man stared at me, uncomprehending. Both stood by the gate at
the end of a long dark concrete corridor waiting to be issued their fatigues
and shipped to the Continent.
After a
dozen crunches, I hugged my shoulders rubbing the chapped skin.
"I
say," the miner started, "What the hell happened in there?"
I didn't
answer. I had no wish to speak to him. The miner and the old man exchanged
glances. Both had already put on their pale synthetic clothes and light plastic
shoes.
The rags
were disposable crap, you had to give them that. Instant-made as you waited,
they lasted no longer than condoms. While a convict cleared the airlock, the
scanners took his measurements and sent them to a thermoplast machine next door. As the convict
left the mind check, he received a perfectly useless set of fatigues: in less
than a week, the fabric would crack and shred under Pangea's scorching sun, and
the shoes would fall apart.
The miner
turned his stare to me. "How long are they going to keep us in here, d'you
know?"
I didn't
bother to answer. A plastic bag containing my clothes slid out of the wall into
a tray underneath. I tore it open and unfolded a pair of trousers and a
long-sleeved T-shirt. The shoes fell onto the floor. I stuffed the packaging
into a bin under the machine and got dressed as quick as I could, then pulled
the shoes on and tore out the tongues. Now they could pass for a pair of
sandals. I Velcroed them, crossed the corridor and sat in the far corner,
lowering my eyelids.
"
Are you mute, man? D'you understand Russian?"
"Fuck
off," I barked back glancing at him out of the corner of my eye.
The miner
stuck a square jaw out and headed for me, muscles bulging under his clothes.
The man was strong but stupid, going for a stranger like a cybertech.
I unglued
my back from the wall and spread my shoulders preparing to spring up and knock
him down with a good kneeing. But the old man called him back. When the miner
didn't stop, the old boy hurried after him, grabbed the man's hand and pulled
him back to the gate. I could hear him whisper that I was trouble, that he'd
seen the implants scars on my back which was a sure sign I was an FSA man and
my body language betrayed FSA training, too, so the miner should leave me well
alone. Even better, he whispered, wait for the other inmates to arrive and tell
them about me.
The old
man turned to look at me. Our eyes met. He shut up and I leaned back against
the wall. The old guy had an eye for that sort of thing. He'd been right about
my modules and training. But he'd got the crux wrong as I had nothing to do
with the FSA whatsoever. But who was I to explain that my implants had been of
the Army type? Only an experienced neurotech could tell the difference.
Now I had
to keep my eyes open. If the miner and the old guy shared their suspicions with
the rest, I'd never make it to the Continent. The moment I stepped onto the
ferry, I'd be dead meat. They could even try and take me out while still on the
pier. That way, I'd never even have a chance to become a local. A Pangean
deportee.
They
started whispering again, softly this time, so I couldn't hear a word.
The mind
check door opened letting out the second Asian. Wonder if he knew about his
predecessor's implant? They could be accomplices. Not that the base commander
cared. His job was shipping, not investigating: sending convoys both ways, from
the Kola Peninsula to Pangea and back. No, that was not all: the commander
wasn't supposed to allow new technologies to leak onto the Continent. And he
had a well-equipped garrison and weaponry to help him do just that.
A clothes
bag slid into the tray by the door. The Chinese took it, cool as a cucumber,
tore the shrink film and started dressing. Before he could pull up his pants,
another inmate cleared the lock. In half a minute, yet another one came out.
The transfer was under way. In just over an hour, the two-hundred-strong gang
would be ready for shipping.
The
Chinese got dressed and crouched by the exit staring at the floor. I looked up.
The ceiling sported the Fort's colors: two bolts of lightning crossed under a
two-headed eagle.
Then I
heard a quiet pop. My ears started hurting as if the air pressure in the room
had dropped. Startled, I looked around. Neither the Chinese nor the others
showed any signs of discomfort - in fact, they didn't appear to have noticed
anything at all. My head, however, started hissing and crackling. What the hell
was going on?
The back
of my head ached in the recently healed hole which had once housed the mnemo
chip. A quiet hiss again, then a woman's indifferent voice sounded inside my
head,
"Pangea:
a continent lying along the equator. Is bounded by the ocean. The length of
coastline, over thirty thousand kilometers. Status: an inland prison. No
natural resources discovered. The climate..."
My ears
popped. The voice distanced itself but didn't disappear completely, reciting
information on the Continent's climate, mountain ranges, rivers, plains,
plateaus and settlements. I remembered a lot of the data from my army school
days.
When the
voice abated, I opened my eyes, confused. The lock corridor was now filled with
people. Most had dressed and sat by the walls; some talked. Foreigners stuck together closer to the mind
check exit. A few men by the gate surrounded the miner and the old man. They
argued casting occasional glances in my direction.
I rubbed
my forehead and winced. My head was booming. I had to concentrate. I was Mark
Posner - Private Posner, sentenced to life in exile for murdering a Federal
Security agent. I'd been tried and sentenced by the military tribunal, then
undergone an agonizing surgery as they'd removed my combat implants. They'd
convoyed me with the rest to the Kola Peninsula portal - and there I was at the
Pangean base, a.k.a. the Fort, that occupied a rocky island not far from the
mainland, a.k.a. Pangea Anomaly - the only body of land amid the ocean that covers
this world's entire surface.
That was
all fine and correct. But what was the information software doing in my head in
the first place? This wasn't an implant - this was a basic program that someone
had bothered to neuron-zip and which had now unzipped in my brain all by
itself. You would think I'd know, wouldn't you? How d'you think you could
install a piece of software into a man's head without him knowing? After the
tribunal, they hadn't had the opportunity, anyway: it required sedation, and
I... wait a second... when those military surgeons...
A voice
put an end to my rationalizing. The old boy, the miner and a couple of
bystanders stopped arguing.
'Hey
there, buddy," the miner headed for me.
I stood
up and, keeping an eye on him, walked towards the foreigners clustering nearby.
Another man joined the miner: middle-aged with sunken cheeks and a graying,
unhealthy complexion.
"Wait
up," he said in a low voice and rubbed his pointy chin. "We need to
talk."
I backed
off and cast a glance around. No one seemed to sneak up on me from behind. The
gray-faced man fixed his calm gaze on me while the miner stuck out his chin,
his glare menacing. Behind them stood the old man and three more guys, fit and
tall, all three younger than myself, square-shouldered like new recruits on
parade. And their faces... but of course! They had to be clones! A
custom-hatched brood: apparently, the mining foreman had donated his sample to
sequester and force-grow apprentice triplets for himself. Force-grown clones
looked at a lifespan of thirty years at best; wonder what the foreman and his
brood had done to justify a Pangean exile? They must have protested by
demanding better wages and working conditions. Dangerous thing to do these
days. Ever since the new president had come to power after the Civil War, he'd
been hunting down rioters and separatists. With Army support, he'd created the
Federal Security Agency, banned trade unions and dissolved rival political
parties. Any kind of protest could be qualified under the new Threat To The
State law and the protester himself sent for life in exile, all thanks to
Pangea whose discovery had solved the prison overcrowding problem. The only
known portal to Pangea was on the Kola Peninsula which had prompted a
commercial approach as Russia started accepting convicts from other countries.
The rapidly depleting oil supplies together with a chain of world crises had
triggered a wave of riots and civil wars in virtually every country of the
globe, filling foreign prisons to the roofs with unhappy undesirables.
I
hesitated, unsure whether striking up a conversation with them was a healthy
thing to do. I could wait for the line-up call or just blend in with the crowd.
"I
think I know who you are," the man said. "But I'm not a hundred
percent sure."
The day
seemed to be rich in surprises.
"If
I could have a look at your back, that would eliminate many questions," he
added.
"Negative,"
I decided to bid for time until the line-up call. "Any more
suggestions?"
"None."
"Think
well."
The
gray-faced man gave me a vaguely guilty look. "Then you're toast."
The miner
and two of the clones were an easy job: they stood too close to each other
leaving themselves little space to maneuver. The others could take a bit of
time but overall, I should meet the combat training standards. But what would I
gain - getting sent to the cooler?
That was
one place I shouldn't be in. If I picked the fight, I'd give FSA agents the
perfect excuse to lock me up and take me out at their leisure.
"Pointless
dragging it out," the gray face said. "We're attracting attention.
You don't need it."
He rubbed
his pale sunken cheek and added,
"Fighting
is no good, either."
"Know
your implants?"
He
shrugged. On brief reflection, I said, "Back off."
I walked
to the gate, all the time knowing this wasn't the best alternative, but I had
no other option. I turned to the clones and the old man, "Gather around.
We don't need the others to gawk."
When they
shielded me from unwanted stares, I pulled the T-shirt up and glanced back at
the man. "Well?"
"I told
you, didn't I?" the old man glared at me. "Look at all them
scars!"
Gray face
raised his hand, silencing him. Then he came closer as did the miner. Cold
fingers touched my back and shoulder blade points and traced my spine down to
the small of my back.
"You
can get dressed… private."
I turned
to him straightening my T-shirt and stated, "You're a neurotech."
"So
he's not an-" the old man stopped short.
"No,"
gray face offered me his hand. "I'm Vladas Chabrov. Chartered
neurotech."
I paused,
then shook his hand. "I'm Mark."
Vladas
nodded. No words needed: only chartered specialists had access to the military.
He could see at once the placement and purpose of my implants. The miner,
however, took time to take it in.
"Name,
rank, sentence?" he asked me like the mind check operator.
"Quiet,
Petro!" the neurotech mouthed.
I glanced
at their faces surrounding me. The clones watched me, still uptight. The old
man fidgeted, his wrinkly hands trembling.
"Relax,
Misha," Vladas touched the old man's shoulder and went on in a quiet
voice, "Everyone, relax. Mark could have killed us all here in his own
sweet time. With or without implants, his combat potential is high enough. I'd
say, a couple of units? Two point five, maybe?"
His words
fell on deaf ears as our professional mumbo jumbo meant nothing to lay people.
"Allow
me to translate," I said. "Combat potential is what we call a
soldier's qualification levels. All of you taken together might average two
combat units. Not even. My potential equals three combat units. Four, with
implants installed.
As I said
it, I realized that Vladas had just given me another check. FSA agents used a
different qualification system. Had I been one of them, I'd have explained it
differently.
His mouth
twitched suppressing a sneer.
"What
makes you stick together?" I asked.
They
ordered us to line up. The crowd began to fall into ranks, quickly and
efficiently this time. The miner, the neurotech and myself were in the first
file, followed by the triplets. One of them shouldered off the Chinese who
tried to wriggle in with us.
"He's
weird," Vladas said.
"Yeah,"
I watched as the Asian took his place in the third file next to old Misha.
"His buddy has snuffed it in the air lock. Maybe not his buddy. They could've
had nothing to do with each other."
"I
saw it."
"So
what do you think?"
"Nothing,"
Vladas shrugged. "No one can smuggle an implant to Pangea. The Asians
tailgated you through the disinfection corridor like you had honey on your ass.
One definitely did. The other could just be hanging around for all we know. We
even tried to pick a fight with them - no way," he rubbed his cheek.
"They didn't buy it. And you were deaf to the world, you! Shlepping along
like a cybertech."
Aha. So
they'd kept an eye on me. Tried to get into a fight. Now what would they need
me for? Or - why did he need me?
"You
didn't answer my question," I glanced back at the triplets. Their glares
were lasering a hole in my head.
"They're
Petro's clones," Vladas whispered.
"I've
worked that out. Are they miners?"
"They
are. I helped them adapt after implant removal on the way here."
It made
sense. A certified neurotech meets a few fellow convicts in transit. He helps
them. The tribulations of trial and prison followed by deportation can be too
much even for a specially trained man. Some clam up, others seek contact hoping
for some support or try to secure a place in the prison hierarchy. If you
looked around you could see that the crowd consisted of smaller affinity
groups. They tried to stick together knowing they had to survive the ultimate
tribulation: life on Pangea. The old man didn't look as if he belonged in
Vladas' group, but I left it till later.
"Why
did you follow me?" I asked. Their attention worried me a lot. First the Chinese exploded in the air lock,
then the mind block freeze, followed by the software in my head. I couldn't
help connecting the morning's events looking for a trend and an explanation.
"It
was Misha. He's a political prisoner, been rioting against the system. He
pointed you out. His idea was, you were a Federal agent. Planted by the Feds to
stir the shit. We meant to check you out in the corridor but couldn't. The
Asians were constantly in our way."
"Which
was-?"
"They
just didn't let us close. Like they were covering you or something."
I didn't
have time to think it over. The electric motors whirred within the walls
pulling the doors in front of us open. The white-hot midday sun hit our eyes. I
shielded my face with my hand and squinted at the thin strip of rocky land past
the gate. Beyond it, the surf washed against the shore driving turquoise waves
onto the rocks. The sky far overhead was clear and equally turquoise. The wind
smelled of brine as it splattered me in the face. The ocean lay before me. Far
beyond, rose the shores of Pangea.
Interesting.
ReplyDeleteFYI, the use of gook may be more inflamitory than you wish. People will think you are some sort of neo-Nazi just for using the term. It is offensive enough that many will assume an author bias rather than a character bias.
Hello
DeleteThanks a lot for your comment. I've discussed it with the translator and we decided to change the offensive word in this particular paragraph. I have to admit though that some characters in this book are not as politically correct as I would like them to be.:) I appreciate your pointing it out. I'm glad you liked the chapter.
you could invent a racial or whatever other prejudicial (is that a word?) slur that people would use in the future world of this book.
DeleteAlso, you might want to replace the use of the word "the Army" with "the military". Army refers to a single specific branch of the military.
DeleteGreat stuff, thanks! I'll go through the text and see what I can do.
Deletenice, very nice work- got me hooked as a layperson
ReplyDeletethank you
Delete